“‘Yes’ is the mother of all positive words, next to ‘love’. Maybe ‘love’ is the father of all positive words.” ~ Jason Mraz

I love this quote almost as much as I love Jason Mraz. Sigh. Just the mention of his name takes me back to the summer of my discontent, including plenty of long summer walks and ferry rides.

YES #71 – Yes I will agree to take my daughter ziplining and ignore the fact that why yes, I do have a fear of heights!

YES #72 – Yes I will put on a brave face when my body is hurtling towards a thick tree with no padding on it, and instead of going in a straight line, I have spinning wildly. Excuse me? I need to review the ziplining protocol please, before I DIE here!

YES #73 – Yes, I will admit that I enjoyed my day of ziplining, even conquering the out-of-control aforementioned mid-air spinning. Thankfully as I stood on one of the tree platforms, I was able to call down to one of the guides who walked me (uh, zipped me through?) the process once again. Thank God!

“Say yes to everything.” ~ Aaron Swartz

“I say yes to almost anything that comes my way.” ~ Ron Perlman

YES #65 – Yes I will learn how to empty the grey and black water from the trailer pipes even though I shudder every time I do it.

YES #66 – Yes I will delete a toxic email from a family member who’s trying to stir up trouble. Felt great too.

YES #67 – Yes I will reach out to an old friend who’s distanced herself from me in the past five years, though heaven knows why I do it.

“The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes.”

~ Tony Blair

Sorry, Mr. Prime Minister – I have to disagree. I don’t find it easy to say yes at all. In fact, every time I say yes, I have to consider the impact of my actions on myself and others, not just today but in the future as well. It would be much easier to say no to my kids changing schools, to taking a new job, to opening a new business. It’s much harder to say yes to these things.

YES #62 – Yes I will try grilling pizza on the BBQ tonight instead of baking it in the oven — even though I am terrified of turning on propane.

YES #63 – Yes I will agree to taking the kids on a week-long camping trip in our new trailer without my husband who has to work.

YES #64 – Yes I will find extra jobs for my daughter to do around the house (for pay) to help her raise money for her new guinea pig (which neither my husband nor I want in the house).

When I think about the people who drive me crazy in my life, I realize most of them are always running around in circles because they say “yes” for all the wrong reasons.

So I’ve compiled a Top 5 list of the Wrong Reasons to Say Yes — here they are:

1. Saying yes out of guilt

2. Saying yes out of peer pressure

3. Saying yes to shut someone up because they’re totally wearing you down with their request

4. Saying yes because it’s something you’ve always said yes to (even though you don’t remember why anymore)

5. Saying yes because it will make you look like a big-shot

My Top 5 List of the Right Reasons to Say Yes: 

1. Saying yes because it’s the law

2.Saying yes because your gut tells you to

3.Saying yes because it will benefit those you love

4.Saying yes because it have a long-term positive effect

5. Saying yes because it’s the right thing to do

YES #59 – Yes I will come to a full stop at the stop sign in my neighbourhood, even though there’s clearly no one else coming my direction.

YES #60 – Yes I will stop asking my daughter if she remembered to put on deodorant this morning, something I’ve asked her EVERY morning since she hit puberty. At this point, she needs to begin remembering to do these basic hygienic herself.

YES #61- Yes I will agree to watch Star Wars Clones at the end of the day, even though I hate cartoons of any kind. My son likes it, and this gives us a chance to hang out. May the Force be with me.

I’ve gotten really good at not caring what other people think of me. Except the people who really matter, of course: my family, my close friends, my boss.

Otherwise, I couldn’t care less if people like me or don’t like me. Which says a lot, because as an only child, I spent a lot of my years “people pleasing”.

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that when I say “no” to something, some people don’t understand it. Similarly, when I say “yes” to something, still fewer people understand.

But who cares, really? I own my no’s and yeses and I’m proud of the decisions I’ve made in my life (well, most of them). I don’t feel I need to justify my yeses and no’s to anyone else besides those who matter the most to me.

So there.

YES #56 – Yes I will be calm when I book off work for a bank appointment, and show up 10 minutes early only to find that the central booking system hasn’t notified my bank of the appointment. Deep breaths. I will remain calm in the face of inefficiency.

YES #57 – Yes I will take part in a conversation about office politics even though I hate such conversations. I nod and say “mmmm” a lot. For the most part, I avoid being drawn into such conversations. But I realize my refusal to take part can be perceived as stand-offish and rude, so I maintain the minimum amount of participation whenever possible. And then I make up an excuse about a phone call I’m waiting for, and off I go.

YES #58 – Yes I will appreciate when my boss is going through a difficult day, and still makes time to smile at me and pay me a compliment. It can’t be easy to have her job amidst so many college cut-backs and lay-offs. Yes I will acknowledge she is in a difficult position, and is doing a good job.

“Probably some of the best things that have ever happened to you in life, happened because you said yes to something. Otherwise things just sort of stay the same.”

~ Danny Wallace, Yes Man (2008 film)

YES #62 – Yes I will send out get well cards to three women I know who are confined to their home right now. I can’t imagine how depressing that must be after a couple of weeks. Wishing them a speedy recovery.

YES #63 – Yes I will look into zip lining with my kids this summer, even though heights freak me out.

YES #64 – Yes I will allow myself to cry during an emotion woman on “Say Yes to the Dress”. I feel super-corny, but it’s very cathartic, as it turns out.

“Whenever anybody comes to me with a way that I can give something back, it would be ungrateful at this point in my life to not say yes.” 

~ Paul Stanley

I’m starting to realize that every “yes” means saying “no” to something else. So, it stands to reason that when I say “no” to something, I’m actually saying “yes” to something else — right?

I grew up in a House of No. No television, no swearing, no extravagant expenses, no spoiling (even though I was an only child). I never really resented these “no’s” (except the television one), it was just the way things were.

As a parent today, I’m realizing that maybe the “no’s” my parents set out were actually “yeses” to other things: free time to create and imagine, read and write; a safe upbringing; a stable financial environment where all my needs were met (even if all my wants weren’t).

Yes, I was probably sheltered a lot more than some other kids I knew. But I didn’t end up in jail, pregnant at 16 or a college drop-out either. So I guess that’s saying something.

YES #53 – Yes I will choose to see the “no’s” in my life as “yeses” to something else.

YES #54 – Yes I will choose to see my 13-year-old daughter’s angry outbursts for what they are: hormonal side effects and not a direct attack on me or my personality.

YES #55 – Yes I will begin planning a rock climbing date for me and my daughter to carve out some “Mom and Me” time.

“The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure.”

~ Joseph Campbell

YES #50 – Yes I will buy the expensive pair of Birkenstocks for my daughter. My rationale: they are a quality product, will help support her feet this summer better than those flimsy Dollar Store flip-flops she always buys — and oh, yes. They look super cool.

YES #51 – Yes I will plan a weekend camping getaway with some girlfriends because WE NEED THE BREAK!

YES #52 – Yes I will allow myself an afternoon nap when I get home from work — another sick child wreaks havoc with the sleep schedule. How did I do this when they were infants…?!

“Saying “yes” doesn’t mean I don’t know how to say no, and saying “please” doesn’t mean I am waiting for permission.” ~ Amy Poehler, Yes Please 

YES #47 – Yes I will take part in a Helping Our Northern Neighbours fundraiser where southern Canadians mail care packages to northern residents. My own connection is with a young woman named Jessica who has a five-year-old son, Alex and an infant daughter named Joy. She lives with her common-law husband Solomon. Prices are sky-high in the North for groceries and basic necessities like diapers and hygiene products. Hopefully I can help make a difference in their lives.

YES #48 – Yes I will hold my tongue when a good “friend” of my daughter freezes her out, and takes up with a new best friend. It’s a hard thing to be rejected. My job isn’t to interfere, but to support my daughter and tell her how awesome she is.

YES #49 – Yes I will agree to review a student’s resume and cover letter, even though it’s not really my job.